Stop this madness at once!

I hope I did good enough job drawing that Varia suit that no one will notice Sunglasses' misshapen face in the same panel.

I ordered a new computer. I hope it's a good computer, and not the kind with the giant green sneering face that talks to you like that Captain Planet villain used.

Charles Doesn't Want to Eat That!!!

My computer is over. I had to borrow my sister's Mac to get this online. Does anyone have any good recommendations, computer-wise?

Pancakes!!!

Samurai Jack cannot rest until Aku is defeated. I feel the same way about local car salesman Chad Fowler. Fowler!!! Why must you continue to spread your evil across this land?!

I've been wondering about hair metal band names. Here's the conundrum: "Poison" kills "Ratt." "White Snake" eats "Ratt." "Poison" kills "White Snake." What stops "Poison?" My guess would be "The Cure," but I'm probably wrong on this one.

Apparently, the fire department doesn't rescue cats from trees anymore. This troubles me.

No- I mean yes- I like strawberries.

I finally beat up that pig I was telling you all about. Congratulations, me!

The other day, I got a chance to see FBI consultant and former con-artist Frank Abagnale give a speech. I thought it would be really funny if the following conversation took place.

Audience Member 1: What was it like having Christopher Walken as a father?
Abagnale: No, no. You seem to be confused with a movie that was based on my life. It was a great film, but film makers always portray things from their own point of view.
Audience Member 2: Did you really lock yourself in a theatre for years at a time while saying "Show me the blueprints, show me the blueprints" over and over?
Abagnale: (Pauses awkwardly.) Okay... I think you're confusing me with Howard Hughes, on whom a completely different movie was based.
Audience Member 3: What was it like to die on the Titanic?
Abagnale: (Growing annoyed) No, that was another character from a different movie. Stop that. Next question.
Audience Member 4: You were really terrible in that modern day interpretation of Romeo and Juliet.
Abagnale: (Angrilly) That's not even a question! Stop that!
Audience Member 5: How did it feel to be Geoffrey Chaucer, the imaginary room mate in "A Beautiful Mind?"
Abagnale: (Boiling with rage) That's not even a Dicaprio character, and that wasn't Geoffrey Chaucer! You have two movies mixed up, and neither of them involve me!!!

...and so on. I considered doing a comic like this, but it wouldn't have been my style.

I Can't Control My Psionic Eye Blasts!!!

Howard Hughes was a famous millionaire movie maker and aviator. This is funnier if you've seen "The Aviator." Why did people stop wearing hats?

I ate a delicious sandwhich the other day. It was a ham and cheese sandwhich that ws breaded and deep fried. It's called a Monte Cristo. It's delicious, but not terribly healthy, and has the odd side affect of making you think that you are a wealthy Frenchman, falsely accused of treason and looking for revenge upon the man who stole everything from you.

The Legendary Starfy is a good game, but it's not very challenging.

Is anyone else's computer monitor bigger than mine? I'm wondering if I should scan these comics in a higher resolution.

I Smell a Winner!

Barbie is a trademark of Mattel. McDonalds is a trademark of McDonalds. Olive Oil is a trademark of the Popeye people.
I really wanted to put more Barbie stuff in Lily's room, but I couldn't think of much else. Maybe one of those Power Wheels Barbie Jeeps, or a Barbie blanket. Unfortunately, I don't know much about Barbie. That one on the right side of the top shelf is supposed to be astronaut Barbie, not freakishly deformed cyclops Barbie, which is how it looks.
My grandmother is convinced they'll be coming after me with butterfly nets when they start reading these comics.

Product Shown Rated E through T.

No, they aren't holding giant cinammon rolls. They're just running at high speed to get away from those snails.
I feel sorry for Sideways in the Transformers movie, getting killed off in the first ten minutes. For a Decepticon, he didn't seem like that bad a guy, judging from his character bio. Still, Sideswipe cutting him in half was one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

Update: 7/23/09:
I don't know if you've heard this or not, but it seems Comedy Central is trying to bring back Futurama... WITHOUT the original voice cast. If you've ever watched the show, then I don't need to explain why this cannot be allowed to happen. There are already two Facebook groups set up to prevent this travesty. I'll put some links to these groups to the right. I reccomend you join them both if you have a Facebook account. They've dug up some e-mail addresses to which we can send our complaints, and plead with those in charge to change their minds about this before it's too late. I'll go ahead and reprint them here, in case any of my readers would like to help stop this injustice.

futurama@scottmullercasting.com

melissa.sugiura@mtvstaff.com

steve.albani@comedycentral.com

chris.alexander@fox.com

tracey.raab@fox.com

That is Crazy, Jade. You Are Crazy!

If you caught my literary reference, kudos.
Man... Never handle comics with wet hands. Does anyone have a program that could take that smudge out?

I Once Ran in the Indie 500!!!

Seriously. I love both of those movies. What is up with all the negativity towards Revenge of the Fallen? If you ask me, these people hated it before they entered the theatre, and nitpicked every little thing in order to justify their hatred. I think it was great. I especially liked Jetfire's scene. Yes, there were a couple crude jokes, but it was still much cleaner than a lot of Pg-13 movies (I'm looking at you, Austin Powers). Ordinarily, I would go into a long essay, explaining point by point why this movie is worth seeing, but since people have already gone resorted to ridicilous hyperbole against this film, I have no choice but to use ridiculous hyperbole in its defense.

Revenge of the Fallen is not only the best movie ever made, but possibly the best movie possible. All Hollywood studios should close their gates, as there is clearly no point in producing any more films.

I think we could bring peace to the Middle East with this movie. Just build a giant projector in Israel, and project the film onto the moon. After seeing this cinematic masterpiece, there will be peace between Israel and Palestine, and all the world's children will gather together and sing.

In small quantities, a daily dose of Revenge of the Fallen can promote long life, and halt male pattern baldness in ninety-three percent of test cases.

One time, I was swimming in the ocean, and I was attacked by a pack of viscious tiger sharks. Revenge of the Fallen rode in on surfboard, and rescued me using naught but its own psyionic mind bullets.

Welcome to Planet Dirt!!!

I went and saw Transformers 2 this weekend. It was pretty awesome. It gets the Charles Work seal of approval. Unfortunately, this is often a kiss of death, but I think this movie's doing well enough to take it.

You know when someone's having a garage sale, and you come up to the sign and scribble a 'b' into the sign so that it says "Garbage Sale?" Stop doing that!

Sometimjes, an institution will have a number to call if you need them to make accomodations based on disabilities. If you're going to a funny play or movie, you should call and say that you were born without a sense of humor, and you need someone to explain all the jokes to you. If they ask if this is a joke, tell them maybe it is; you can't tell because you were born without a sense of humor.

My Shoes are Full of Jelly Beans!

Dang it, McDonalds! This is a BARBIE! I specifically said I wanted the Hot Wheels Happy Meal!!!

What's the deal with ninjas and giant frogs?

Today is Father's day, so we had steaks. Too bad our father lives out of town. He probably would have enjoyed them. Come to think of it, my siblings weren't here either. I guess I should have said I had a steak.

Why remove the water from the bottom of the ocean? If you try to remove the water from the bottom of the ocean, the water at the top of the ocean will just flow down to fill in the gap. Man, it's good to get that off my chest.

There Was Nothing the Psychiatrists Could Do!

Captain Archer is actually one of my favorite Star Trek captains. Bakula rules.
I'm trying to find a new computer. Does anyone have any reccomendations?

Nail It Down!!!

Based on a true story! ...sort of.
If you know anyone who watched that show M.A.S.H., ask if they can spot the two references in this comic.
Okay, so I go through the drive through at Long John Silver's, and I say to the guy, "I'd like a number one combo with a Dr. Pepper." The guy just says, "Yah cannae have it!" So, I'm like, "Why the heck not?!" and the guy just says, "It doesn'ah like you!" (May not have happened.)
Who cares about any off this, though? GOLDEN SUN IS COMING TO THE DS!!!

(Screen Images Simulated.)

Marmaduke is a comic about a great Dane. Other great Danes include Hamlet, Beowulf and whoever invented Legos.
Does anyone still read this comic? Maybe I need to get a real web page so that the search engines can find it.

Is There a Doctor in the House?

I had to help trimy my cat Mitten's fur this weekend. He didn't like it very much.

I think that dog Marmaduke is a great dane. Other great Dane's include Beowulf and whoever invented Legos.

Charlie's Home for Imaginary Numbers.

I played that game "Klonoa" over the past week. It's pretty awesome, but not nearly long enough. Still, I reccommend it.
I really wish I could do something about these blasted ants. They're everywhere!

Give the Spider a Hug!!!

That monster wasn't supposed to look like Shockwave in Transformers Animated, but he kind of does.
...
If I close my eyes and cover my ears, I can still hear that sleeping pig... mocking me.

Stop Eating My Gummy Bears!!!

The Ninja owed Sunglasses one for rescuing him from the quicksand.

Don't tell me how much tortilla soup I can eat! I know what my stomach can handle!

That game "The Avalon Code" is pretty awesome.

Help Me Get These Lobster Claws Off My Arms.

The other day, I was playing video games, and a six hundred foot tall scorpion burst into our trailer. My brother rushed in and slew it using not but his wits and psionic mind bullets. We threw him a ticker-tape parade.

Seriously, though. How do I beat that sleeping pig in The World Ends with You? I can't rest until I've finished it.

Cracks in Walls May be a Sign of Foundation Problems.

...Seriously, though. Who can help me finish that game? I've almost got it, except for that blasted sleeping pig that runs away when I hit it. Don't tell me to go to Gamefaqs. They aren't any help.

If you meditate, and then you still want to destroy someone, you're not doing it properly.

I would like to close with a question. I'll post the answer next week.
Q: If my grandmother had wheels instead of arms and legs, she would be a car, and not my grandmother.

Did You See That!? Bigfoot just Stole my Lunchbox!

Sorry. This one's not that great. I had to do my taxes. Also, my Masterpiece Grimlock just arrived. Plus, I did that really good one last week, and I didn't feel like spending all weekend on another one.

The Exciting Contusion!

Now, part two of the epic 100th comic, in full color.
If you've not been here in a couple weeks, scroll down and read part one first, or else this won't make any sense.

My sister had Powerwheels mixed up with Hotwheels, and thought I was talking about little die cast cars for cats. Hotwheels for cats? That's just absurd. No one would buy them.
I saw a little girl crash her dad's electric shopping cart into her mom at Wal-Mart the other day.
When I see the word "Octomom" on the cover of a supermarket tabloid, I mistake it for "Octoman," and am immediately disappointed that they're not talking about an obscure F-Zero character.

I Can't Get These Socks of My Hands!

This is really only half a comic. I decided to split it up over two weeks.

Everyone Knows It's Windy!

It wouldn't be funny if you saw it coming, now, would it?

I thought I had a great idea with that "She's a slow walker" song, but it turns out I subconsciously stole it from the song "She's a heartbreaker." Dang it!!!

It's storming tonight, so if you don't hear from me next week, it probably means my house blew away. Just a heads up.

I jammed a key into my chest because a cartoon told me to.

We Buy House?

This isn't my hundredth comic. That's coming in a couple weeks. This is my hundredth post, but a couple of those didn't have comics in them.

The EPA really needs to investigate Sherwin Williams. Judging from their sign, their planning to take an enormous can of red paint and dump it directly into the ocean.

I Ate My Pants... )-:

I'm coming up on my hundredth comic. What should I do? I should at least do a two page comic in color.
I wish Nintendo Power still had comics.

Edit (3/11/09):
Here are some things I forgot to mention.
AAAAAGH!!! BANJO! KAZOOIE! What have they done to you!!? You're all square and boxy! You look like you just came out of a Dire Straights video!

I wrote a folksy song about people walking in front of me while I'm driving.
She's a slow walker,
She's a cell-phone talker,
She's a slow walker,
She's a road blocker,
...
That's all I have so far.

Keep Your Squirrels OUT of My Garbage!!!

"The Arches" was from an annoying 80's McDonalds ad.

I'm giving up lint for Lent! EVERYBODY CLEAN OUT YOUR POCKETS!!!
Why can't the Wii have Street Fighter?

Why does Spider Man work at a newspaper? Spiders hate newspaper!

Build a Cat? Is that the best I can come up with?

I'd really like to put these comics in a book or something, but I think I need to work on the artwork first. Anyway, I think I would need at least two hundred comics.

These Cats are Ruining the Experiment!

Apparently, that broccoli farm is located in some kind of weird Bizzarro world where the grass on the side of the road is darker than the asphalt.
Today I cleaned out my car, and the neighbors cats kept trying to climb in. I tried to explain to them that I know a cat who got into the neighbors car and got himself locked in for a week and suffered severe psychological trauma as a result, but cats don't listen.
The mother cat was like, "I want to get ice cream!" and I was like "NoOoOoOoOoO!"
Then, the little cat was like, "I call shotgun!" and I was like "NoOoOoOoOoOoOo!"

I'm Wearing a Tiny Octopus On My HEAD!

It's Halloween again, so I decided to do a Halloween comic...
What?
It's NOT Halloween?!
Then why are there so many scary movies out this month?!

This is the problem with writing a really good comic strip. You scribble out another one the next week, and everyone wonders what the heck is wrong.

Sometimes, a gecko hangs out on our window. I've not seen him in a while. I miss our gecko.


...Did I already make a Lick Broccoli reference? I may have forgotten.

Use a Gummi Worm to Catch One of Those Swedish Fish.

Anyway, my trailer is haunted because one of the workers who built it must have died of an industrial accident, and now his eerie heart beat resonates in the heating system. Or maaayyybeee it's just the metal in the vents contracting in the heat. Either way, I bought a pack of earplugs.

I Like Squirrels.

Sorry about that mark at the side. This one was too big for the scanner, so I had to cut and paste.

I had someone come to figure out why the vents were making noises. It turns out the place is haunted.

Smell How Breath my Fresh Is!

There's a horrible dripping sound somewhere in my house. Recently, I've only been able to get enough sleep to have bizaare dreams that I'm on some kind of epic quest with a group of tiny cereal mascots to protect the little girl from Alien II.
Anyway, does anyone know where I can buy a used Battlebot for a reasonable price?

Sometimes, I eat a bowl of airplanes.

Walgreens is a great place to get stuff when you're a few items short for your garage sale... except for Beanie Babies, which are still awesome.
Anyway, nobody knows who Flat Stanley is.

There are Zombies in my Soup!

I'd like to dedicate this one to the late Maddie Blaustein, voice of Meowth on Pokemon. One of the best actors they had on the show, she almost made Team Rocket tolerable. She will be missed.
If you can't tell, that's a widescreen TV in the first panel. That's a commercial for a chainsaw running.
Since it took me so long to get this up, I'll probably wait until about Wednesday to put up the next one.

Lawn Gnomes Ate My Candy Bar!

A few days after I titled a comic "Brain Turnicate," my Dad had to go in for brain surgery. He's out of the hospital already, but I really need to be more careful with these titles.

Fish Love?

So... very... cold...

Can't... feel... arms...

I am NOT a Merry Man!!!

That one's freaky looking... I guess that's what I was going for, though.

You should never end a college entrance essay with the phrase "No, of course not. That would be stupid."

I am NOT an Emo Pinata!!!

Sorry about the wait. There were some minor Reptite related delays.
That's the Electrical Fairy talking in the last frame.

They say that you can increase your gas mileage if you drive dangerously close behind a large truck. Actually, you get even better mileage if you just put your car in neutral and tie it to the truck in front of you. Of course, when the trucker finds out what you've done, he will probably bust your head with a tire iron.

Anyway, to answer previous questions, I don't know where the lady with the mohawk is working. The raccoon is pursuing an exciting career in public vagrancy.

Some Snakes are Poisonous. Some aren't.

I've heard that North Dakota wants to change its name, because the people there think "North" makes it sound cold and desolate, and decreases their tourism business. I recommend they change the name to "Dakota the Triceratops." Then, kids will want their parents to take them to North Dakota, because they think it's an actual dinosaur.

I'm writing another Blast Ryder story, but it will take a couple of weeks.

Heavens to Bootsie!

Please don't tell me how similar this is to "Powered by The Cheat." This has already been brought to my attention.
"Heavens to Bootsie" is just something funny my cousin's three year old sun said. I thought it was pretty clever.
I'm playing Shining Force II on the Virtual Console while I write this. It's pretty good... not as good as Chrono Trigger, but what is?

I'll tell you what else is good: "The World Ends with You." I originally dismissed it because of the characters' irritating hipster attire, but it has an interesting plot and characters. I particularly like the guy who puts math terms in all his sentences. That guy's awesome.

I'm pretty sure I want Chrono Trigger for birthday. Failing that, I suppose I would want "Kota the Triceratops," but only because I'm confused and think it's a living dinosaur and will read me bedtime about robots named Rod and Todd.

Ye shall Eat Not but the Heel of Bread!

I never got around to redoing last week's comic. I'll get it done eventually.

Ramen noodles are the blandest thing ever. They should just write on the package "Marginally Better than Starving."

I cooked some chicken soup yesterday. Nobody try and bring that chicken back from the dead, for it will surely seek revenge.

This is my comic for this week. It turn out quite the way I'd planned. The cos-player looks really strange, and the more I tried to fix her mask, the worse she got. I also wanted Lily to be saying something, but I ran out of space. I think I'll do a revision and post it with my comic next week.

Some interesting facts about Chrono Trigger:
Once, I was having trouble in Intro to Ordered Differential Equations, so I went and talked to the professor, and he told me that I could come in and he'd help me if I didn't understrand the material, and, with his help, I managed to make it through with my GPA intact. It turned out the professor was Chrono Trigger.
One time, I was in the forest, and I accidentally stepped in a bear trap, and Chrono Trigger came and rescued me and nursed me back to health.
Chrono Trigger is the long sought cancer cure.

A weird thing happened when my sister and I were at a restaraunt. We were sitting there eating, and someone else in the restaraunt went up and asked some guy behind us if she could take her picture with him. So, my sister looked, and it turned out it was Toby Keith. Of course, since he's kind of a jerk, he refused to let this young woman take her picture with him. My sister and I had a good time talking about how we should have tricked him into signing a legal document to pay for our meals at the restaraunt for the rest of our lives, and how we would send him E-Mails taunting him about it.
"Hey Keith! We just ate at Tulio's again! LOL!"
I've been considering working this into the comic, but I kind of thought it was a bit mean spirited. What do you guys think?

BABIES!!! THEY'RE BABIES!!!

Sunglasses earned the title "Duck Translator!"

Sorry. I left all my good comic ideas in Narnia, or in an unlicensed Narnia parody.
20 year old California Raisins reference for the win!

Let Me Take a Look at Those Cookies!

These comics would be better if I had an old Brittish man to narrate them as if he was reading to children from a story book.
Okay, this one time, a kitten came up to me, so I patted him on the head, and then this big dog came up, and the kitten ran off somewhere, but the dog wanted me to pat him on the head, so I did, but the dog had bandages on his ears for some reason.

It's taken HIT THE MILK BOTTLE WIN A PLASMA SCREEN a long CREATE YOUR OWN AVATAR time, but I think I finally got FREE SCREENSAVERS rid of all those viruses REFINANCE YOUR HOME CLICK YOUR STATE HERE.