'Till All Are One, or at least Until 3:00 PM.

I nearly stabbed myself in the face while unloading dishes. I nearly tripped on my own pant leg while unloading some sharp knives. Such an injury surely would have ruined my comics, or at least my long weekend.

Dust makes me sad.

Some people are in some kind of panic because they don't think Obama was born in the U.S., but Kennedy openly admitted to being a German citizen, and nobody said anything. I don't get it.

Dangerous Pancakes.

That's a whale at the end, and not a chameleon.

That game "Muramasa: The Demon Blade" is pretty good. It's not as monotonous as Nintendo Power made it sound. Still, it's best played in short bursts, and not for hours at a time.

Car Was.

No punchline this week. Just an angry turtle. I thought about using a robot instead, but I've been doing that a lot lately.
The title is supposed to read "You are hamburger." The pen was running out of ink.

Quentin Terentino Rejects?

Sorry about the low quality of the artwork one. I was in a hurry. It was a busy weekend. Lets all have a cheer for that robot though!

I finally got my new computer. It's pretty sweet. It has a twenty four inch widescreen monitor, which I use to watch Captain N and The New Super Mario World on DVD.

I don't like bumper stickers that I can't read from a distance.

Anyway, does anyone know a place where you can get a laptop fixed? I really need those Wordperfect documents out of mine.

I Worked Hard for that Laffy Taffy!

My neighbors annoy me because they already have a whole mess of Halloween junk on their porch. It's not Halloween yet! It's ninety degrees out, for crying out loud! Besides, Halloween is a weird holiday. It's a holiday dedicated to scaring children, based on a tradition of bribing vandals with candy.

Stop this madness at once!

I hope I did good enough job drawing that Varia suit that no one will notice Sunglasses' misshapen face in the same panel.

I ordered a new computer. I hope it's a good computer, and not the kind with the giant green sneering face that talks to you like that Captain Planet villain used.

Charles Doesn't Want to Eat That!!!

My computer is over. I had to borrow my sister's Mac to get this online. Does anyone have any good recommendations, computer-wise?

Pancakes!!!

Samurai Jack cannot rest until Aku is defeated. I feel the same way about local car salesman Chad Fowler. Fowler!!! Why must you continue to spread your evil across this land?!

I've been wondering about hair metal band names. Here's the conundrum: "Poison" kills "Ratt." "White Snake" eats "Ratt." "Poison" kills "White Snake." What stops "Poison?" My guess would be "The Cure," but I'm probably wrong on this one.

Apparently, the fire department doesn't rescue cats from trees anymore. This troubles me.

No- I mean yes- I like strawberries.

I finally beat up that pig I was telling you all about. Congratulations, me!

The other day, I got a chance to see FBI consultant and former con-artist Frank Abagnale give a speech. I thought it would be really funny if the following conversation took place.

Audience Member 1: What was it like having Christopher Walken as a father?
Abagnale: No, no. You seem to be confused with a movie that was based on my life. It was a great film, but film makers always portray things from their own point of view.
Audience Member 2: Did you really lock yourself in a theatre for years at a time while saying "Show me the blueprints, show me the blueprints" over and over?
Abagnale: (Pauses awkwardly.) Okay... I think you're confusing me with Howard Hughes, on whom a completely different movie was based.
Audience Member 3: What was it like to die on the Titanic?
Abagnale: (Growing annoyed) No, that was another character from a different movie. Stop that. Next question.
Audience Member 4: You were really terrible in that modern day interpretation of Romeo and Juliet.
Abagnale: (Angrilly) That's not even a question! Stop that!
Audience Member 5: How did it feel to be Geoffrey Chaucer, the imaginary room mate in "A Beautiful Mind?"
Abagnale: (Boiling with rage) That's not even a Dicaprio character, and that wasn't Geoffrey Chaucer! You have two movies mixed up, and neither of them involve me!!!

...and so on. I considered doing a comic like this, but it wouldn't have been my style.

I Can't Control My Psionic Eye Blasts!!!

Howard Hughes was a famous millionaire movie maker and aviator. This is funnier if you've seen "The Aviator." Why did people stop wearing hats?

I ate a delicious sandwhich the other day. It was a ham and cheese sandwhich that ws breaded and deep fried. It's called a Monte Cristo. It's delicious, but not terribly healthy, and has the odd side affect of making you think that you are a wealthy Frenchman, falsely accused of treason and looking for revenge upon the man who stole everything from you.

The Legendary Starfy is a good game, but it's not very challenging.

Is anyone else's computer monitor bigger than mine? I'm wondering if I should scan these comics in a higher resolution.

I Smell a Winner!

Barbie is a trademark of Mattel. McDonalds is a trademark of McDonalds. Olive Oil is a trademark of the Popeye people.
I really wanted to put more Barbie stuff in Lily's room, but I couldn't think of much else. Maybe one of those Power Wheels Barbie Jeeps, or a Barbie blanket. Unfortunately, I don't know much about Barbie. That one on the right side of the top shelf is supposed to be astronaut Barbie, not freakishly deformed cyclops Barbie, which is how it looks.
My grandmother is convinced they'll be coming after me with butterfly nets when they start reading these comics.

Product Shown Rated E through T.

No, they aren't holding giant cinammon rolls. They're just running at high speed to get away from those snails.
I feel sorry for Sideways in the Transformers movie, getting killed off in the first ten minutes. For a Decepticon, he didn't seem like that bad a guy, judging from his character bio. Still, Sideswipe cutting him in half was one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

Update: 7/23/09:
I don't know if you've heard this or not, but it seems Comedy Central is trying to bring back Futurama... WITHOUT the original voice cast. If you've ever watched the show, then I don't need to explain why this cannot be allowed to happen. There are already two Facebook groups set up to prevent this travesty. I'll put some links to these groups to the right. I reccomend you join them both if you have a Facebook account. They've dug up some e-mail addresses to which we can send our complaints, and plead with those in charge to change their minds about this before it's too late. I'll go ahead and reprint them here, in case any of my readers would like to help stop this injustice.

futurama@scottmullercasting.com

melissa.sugiura@mtvstaff.com

steve.albani@comedycentral.com

chris.alexander@fox.com

tracey.raab@fox.com

That is Crazy, Jade. You Are Crazy!

If you caught my literary reference, kudos.
Man... Never handle comics with wet hands. Does anyone have a program that could take that smudge out?

I Once Ran in the Indie 500!!!

Seriously. I love both of those movies. What is up with all the negativity towards Revenge of the Fallen? If you ask me, these people hated it before they entered the theatre, and nitpicked every little thing in order to justify their hatred. I think it was great. I especially liked Jetfire's scene. Yes, there were a couple crude jokes, but it was still much cleaner than a lot of Pg-13 movies (I'm looking at you, Austin Powers). Ordinarily, I would go into a long essay, explaining point by point why this movie is worth seeing, but since people have already gone resorted to ridicilous hyperbole against this film, I have no choice but to use ridiculous hyperbole in its defense.

Revenge of the Fallen is not only the best movie ever made, but possibly the best movie possible. All Hollywood studios should close their gates, as there is clearly no point in producing any more films.

I think we could bring peace to the Middle East with this movie. Just build a giant projector in Israel, and project the film onto the moon. After seeing this cinematic masterpiece, there will be peace between Israel and Palestine, and all the world's children will gather together and sing.

In small quantities, a daily dose of Revenge of the Fallen can promote long life, and halt male pattern baldness in ninety-three percent of test cases.

One time, I was swimming in the ocean, and I was attacked by a pack of viscious tiger sharks. Revenge of the Fallen rode in on surfboard, and rescued me using naught but its own psyionic mind bullets.

Welcome to Planet Dirt!!!

I went and saw Transformers 2 this weekend. It was pretty awesome. It gets the Charles Work seal of approval. Unfortunately, this is often a kiss of death, but I think this movie's doing well enough to take it.

You know when someone's having a garage sale, and you come up to the sign and scribble a 'b' into the sign so that it says "Garbage Sale?" Stop doing that!

Sometimjes, an institution will have a number to call if you need them to make accomodations based on disabilities. If you're going to a funny play or movie, you should call and say that you were born without a sense of humor, and you need someone to explain all the jokes to you. If they ask if this is a joke, tell them maybe it is; you can't tell because you were born without a sense of humor.

My Shoes are Full of Jelly Beans!

Dang it, McDonalds! This is a BARBIE! I specifically said I wanted the Hot Wheels Happy Meal!!!

What's the deal with ninjas and giant frogs?

Today is Father's day, so we had steaks. Too bad our father lives out of town. He probably would have enjoyed them. Come to think of it, my siblings weren't here either. I guess I should have said I had a steak.

Why remove the water from the bottom of the ocean? If you try to remove the water from the bottom of the ocean, the water at the top of the ocean will just flow down to fill in the gap. Man, it's good to get that off my chest.

There Was Nothing the Psychiatrists Could Do!

Captain Archer is actually one of my favorite Star Trek captains. Bakula rules.
I'm trying to find a new computer. Does anyone have any reccomendations?

Nail It Down!!!

Based on a true story! ...sort of.
If you know anyone who watched that show M.A.S.H., ask if they can spot the two references in this comic.
Okay, so I go through the drive through at Long John Silver's, and I say to the guy, "I'd like a number one combo with a Dr. Pepper." The guy just says, "Yah cannae have it!" So, I'm like, "Why the heck not?!" and the guy just says, "It doesn'ah like you!" (May not have happened.)
Who cares about any off this, though? GOLDEN SUN IS COMING TO THE DS!!!

(Screen Images Simulated.)

Marmaduke is a comic about a great Dane. Other great Danes include Hamlet, Beowulf and whoever invented Legos.
Does anyone still read this comic? Maybe I need to get a real web page so that the search engines can find it.