Why does Spider Man work at a newspaper? Spiders hate newspaper!

Build a Cat? Is that the best I can come up with?

I'd really like to put these comics in a book or something, but I think I need to work on the artwork first. Anyway, I think I would need at least two hundred comics.

These Cats are Ruining the Experiment!

Apparently, that broccoli farm is located in some kind of weird Bizzarro world where the grass on the side of the road is darker than the asphalt.
Today I cleaned out my car, and the neighbors cats kept trying to climb in. I tried to explain to them that I know a cat who got into the neighbors car and got himself locked in for a week and suffered severe psychological trauma as a result, but cats don't listen.
The mother cat was like, "I want to get ice cream!" and I was like "NoOoOoOoOoO!"
Then, the little cat was like, "I call shotgun!" and I was like "NoOoOoOoOoOoOo!"

I'm Wearing a Tiny Octopus On My HEAD!

It's Halloween again, so I decided to do a Halloween comic...
What?
It's NOT Halloween?!
Then why are there so many scary movies out this month?!

This is the problem with writing a really good comic strip. You scribble out another one the next week, and everyone wonders what the heck is wrong.

Sometimes, a gecko hangs out on our window. I've not seen him in a while. I miss our gecko.


...Did I already make a Lick Broccoli reference? I may have forgotten.

Use a Gummi Worm to Catch One of Those Swedish Fish.

Anyway, my trailer is haunted because one of the workers who built it must have died of an industrial accident, and now his eerie heart beat resonates in the heating system. Or maaayyybeee it's just the metal in the vents contracting in the heat. Either way, I bought a pack of earplugs.

I Like Squirrels.

Sorry about that mark at the side. This one was too big for the scanner, so I had to cut and paste.

I had someone come to figure out why the vents were making noises. It turns out the place is haunted.

Smell How Breath my Fresh Is!

There's a horrible dripping sound somewhere in my house. Recently, I've only been able to get enough sleep to have bizaare dreams that I'm on some kind of epic quest with a group of tiny cereal mascots to protect the little girl from Alien II.
Anyway, does anyone know where I can buy a used Battlebot for a reasonable price?

Sometimes, I eat a bowl of airplanes.

Walgreens is a great place to get stuff when you're a few items short for your garage sale... except for Beanie Babies, which are still awesome.
Anyway, nobody knows who Flat Stanley is.

There are Zombies in my Soup!

I'd like to dedicate this one to the late Maddie Blaustein, voice of Meowth on Pokemon. One of the best actors they had on the show, she almost made Team Rocket tolerable. She will be missed.
If you can't tell, that's a widescreen TV in the first panel. That's a commercial for a chainsaw running.
Since it took me so long to get this up, I'll probably wait until about Wednesday to put up the next one.

Lawn Gnomes Ate My Candy Bar!

A few days after I titled a comic "Brain Turnicate," my Dad had to go in for brain surgery. He's out of the hospital already, but I really need to be more careful with these titles.

Fish Love?

So... very... cold...

Can't... feel... arms...

I am NOT a Merry Man!!!

That one's freaky looking... I guess that's what I was going for, though.

You should never end a college entrance essay with the phrase "No, of course not. That would be stupid."

I am NOT an Emo Pinata!!!

Sorry about the wait. There were some minor Reptite related delays.
That's the Electrical Fairy talking in the last frame.

They say that you can increase your gas mileage if you drive dangerously close behind a large truck. Actually, you get even better mileage if you just put your car in neutral and tie it to the truck in front of you. Of course, when the trucker finds out what you've done, he will probably bust your head with a tire iron.

Anyway, to answer previous questions, I don't know where the lady with the mohawk is working. The raccoon is pursuing an exciting career in public vagrancy.

Some Snakes are Poisonous. Some aren't.

I've heard that North Dakota wants to change its name, because the people there think "North" makes it sound cold and desolate, and decreases their tourism business. I recommend they change the name to "Dakota the Triceratops." Then, kids will want their parents to take them to North Dakota, because they think it's an actual dinosaur.

I'm writing another Blast Ryder story, but it will take a couple of weeks.

Heavens to Bootsie!

Please don't tell me how similar this is to "Powered by The Cheat." This has already been brought to my attention.
"Heavens to Bootsie" is just something funny my cousin's three year old sun said. I thought it was pretty clever.
I'm playing Shining Force II on the Virtual Console while I write this. It's pretty good... not as good as Chrono Trigger, but what is?

I'll tell you what else is good: "The World Ends with You." I originally dismissed it because of the characters' irritating hipster attire, but it has an interesting plot and characters. I particularly like the guy who puts math terms in all his sentences. That guy's awesome.

I'm pretty sure I want Chrono Trigger for birthday. Failing that, I suppose I would want "Kota the Triceratops," but only because I'm confused and think it's a living dinosaur and will read me bedtime about robots named Rod and Todd.

Ye shall Eat Not but the Heel of Bread!

I never got around to redoing last week's comic. I'll get it done eventually.

Ramen noodles are the blandest thing ever. They should just write on the package "Marginally Better than Starving."

I cooked some chicken soup yesterday. Nobody try and bring that chicken back from the dead, for it will surely seek revenge.

This is my comic for this week. It turn out quite the way I'd planned. The cos-player looks really strange, and the more I tried to fix her mask, the worse she got. I also wanted Lily to be saying something, but I ran out of space. I think I'll do a revision and post it with my comic next week.

Some interesting facts about Chrono Trigger:
Once, I was having trouble in Intro to Ordered Differential Equations, so I went and talked to the professor, and he told me that I could come in and he'd help me if I didn't understrand the material, and, with his help, I managed to make it through with my GPA intact. It turned out the professor was Chrono Trigger.
One time, I was in the forest, and I accidentally stepped in a bear trap, and Chrono Trigger came and rescued me and nursed me back to health.
Chrono Trigger is the long sought cancer cure.

A weird thing happened when my sister and I were at a restaraunt. We were sitting there eating, and someone else in the restaraunt went up and asked some guy behind us if she could take her picture with him. So, my sister looked, and it turned out it was Toby Keith. Of course, since he's kind of a jerk, he refused to let this young woman take her picture with him. My sister and I had a good time talking about how we should have tricked him into signing a legal document to pay for our meals at the restaraunt for the rest of our lives, and how we would send him E-Mails taunting him about it.
"Hey Keith! We just ate at Tulio's again! LOL!"
I've been considering working this into the comic, but I kind of thought it was a bit mean spirited. What do you guys think?

BABIES!!! THEY'RE BABIES!!!

Sunglasses earned the title "Duck Translator!"

Sorry. I left all my good comic ideas in Narnia, or in an unlicensed Narnia parody.
20 year old California Raisins reference for the win!

Let Me Take a Look at Those Cookies!

These comics would be better if I had an old Brittish man to narrate them as if he was reading to children from a story book.
Okay, this one time, a kitten came up to me, so I patted him on the head, and then this big dog came up, and the kitten ran off somewhere, but the dog wanted me to pat him on the head, so I did, but the dog had bandages on his ears for some reason.

It's taken HIT THE MILK BOTTLE WIN A PLASMA SCREEN a long CREATE YOUR OWN AVATAR time, but I think I finally got FREE SCREENSAVERS rid of all those viruses REFINANCE YOUR HOME CLICK YOUR STATE HERE.

INANIMATE OBJECT! INANIMATE OBJECT!

Here's the box art for that game I've been working on:

I don't know what the guys over in the graphics department were thinking when they made this. The game doesn't look anything like that! Is that supposed to be the hammer boy off to the right?

Anyway, I've been thinking about that place Dave and Buster's. Apparently, someone thought, "Hey. Adults love Chuck. E. Cheese, but feel embarassed playing ski ball at a kid's place. Why don't we make some place for grown men and women to play Whack-A-Mole for cheap prizes?" This would be a great idea if not for the undeniable fact that adults hate Chuck E. Cheese's. WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE STILL IN BUSINESS?

I had so many computer viruses on my computer. I couldn't get anything to run. I tried to do a search for the viruses, but that yellow dog who appears on Windows to help search for files had contracted rabies... Anyway, I managed to get it taken care of, but it took me all weekend.

I dedicate this week's comic to the Computer Warriors... and their unrealized dreams.

I am NOT a Merry Man!!!

My computer is sick, so I'm using my sister's Mac.  I really need more practice with these things.  That's all I have energy to say right now.

Seriously, Though... MAKE ROOM FOR A CACTUS!!!

More obscure cartoon references, but if I explain them, it won't be funny.
The game I've been working on is on the backburners for a while, probably until I can afford a better computer. It's running too slowly on this one, and I don't know if it's my fault or my laptop's. Anyway, we should go ahead and start advising Nintendo on how to handle the new Smash Brothers characters that probably won't and probably shouldn't be in the next game, just to be on the safe side. For instance, what should Mr. Bean's final smash be?

Kid, You Just Brought Your Wife to a Nun Fight!

I dare somehow to try this at an actual restaraunt.

Someday, I'm going to get a new PC and a Flash editor so I can make some animated type cartoons.

My sister said she would be more inclined to visit this blog if I had crossword puzzles or coloring. I told her to print out the comics and color them in. She said she didn't want to get her hands smudged, or something like that. So much for tricking her into colorizing them for free.

People in the Nineteenth Century Had Really Cool Moustasches.

This is a bit simplistic, since I've been away for the weekend. The old lady turned out downright weird looking in one of these frames. If anyone gets the reference, they spend way too much time on Youtube.


Pooh and Tigger, here is your first assignment as detectives: Find out what the heck Disney did with Christopher Robin. If that fails, find out what happened to Baskin Robins, or Christopher Walkin.

I Hate Mayonaise.

Yeah, I figured the Cos-Player was overdue for some random punishment. I try to distribute it equally, but she's hard to draw.

Somewhere in there, I have a picture of that Beanie Baby with a chainsaw. I think it was called "Dr. Erin Salvador." Does anybody have that one? If so, I'll trade it for a Pokemon card featuring Butterfree eating a Nathan's all-beef hot dog.

I'm not sure I got that symbol on the guy's shirt drawn properly. I don't know what it means, so if I've accidentaly insulted someone's grandmother in Kanji... my bad.

What's a Random Thing to Say?

Great. I had to research Gremlins to draw this comic, and now I can't stop thinking about it. I'm probably going to have to go rent it. I hope you're happy, Spielberg. In closing, that game "NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams" is pretty strange.

My Cat Wants to Eat a Burrito.

I start work tommorow, so I'm posting this week's comic early. Lucky you!

I Am Not Spam???

P IS FOR PLANET!!!
I have a job now, working on flight control software. I hope it's better than that job last week where I had to move my grandmother's deck out of her backyard.

That Beauty Crow turned out pretty well. If this web comic thing falls through, I could always just draw pictures of Beauty Crows. I wanted to color that frame hot pink and yellow so it looked like the eighties, but my photo editor wigged out on me.

My Forearms are Tired!

Don't you hate it when this happens to you?

The Wasps are Nesting in my Car.

NOBODY expects the Teddy Ruxpin reference!

I Think My Leg is Broken.

My HTML hurts.

Chia's make great pets, but poor masters.

Stuntman Panda! In theatres never!
There are about three jokes in this comic. Can YOU find them?
Sorry I don't have anything more elaborate. I was away for the weekend.

Synopsis of "Kung Fu Panda" from someone who hasn't seen the film.

The following is a plot synopsis of the movie "Kung Fu Panda" that I wrote without ever seeing the film. I'm basing this off of previews, commercials, toy commercials, and cereal and fast food tie ins. I'm guessing this is pretty close to the actual plot.

A hungry panda is wandering around when he comes across a bunch of Kung Fu animals fighting eachother on a suspension bridge for some reason. Through some strange mishap, he convinces them that he is The Chosen One, and they let him into their group. Hoping they'll feed him some Kellog's Frosted Flakes and Burger King Big Kids' Meals, the panda plays along.

First, the other Kung Fu creatures don't respect the panda, but he gains their respect after an arduous three minute training montage, in which the panda repeatedly falls over and rolls over a suspension bridge. Then, however, the others realize he's not The Chosen One when he feels guilty and tells them the truth, or some other guy shows up who looks more like the prophesized Chosen One, or he's unable to use the plastic sword that breaks off into a daggar and makes cool sound effect noises, or he eats everybody else's Kellogs Frosted Flakes. The other Kung Fu animals yell at him for a while, and he walks off dejectedly, while some kind of sad music plays in the background.

Later, some kind of lynx or ocelot (I can't tell from the commercial) escapes from prison or knocks down a building of some sort. If there was another guy they thought was the chosen one, he runs away in fear at this point. Somebody goes to get the panda back, but he's all bitter and resentful, and says "Why should I help you Kung Fu people after what you did to me?" The other guy says, "We'll buy you a Burger King Big Kids' Meal," and the panda says "Okay."

When they get there, the Kung Fu things are already fighting the lynx/ocelot. Despite their best efforts, they keep getting knocked off the bridge. Shrek - er, um- I mean- the panda comes, and somebody gives him the plastic sword that breaks off into a daggar and makes cool sound effect noises. He beats up the Lynx and knocks him off the bridge. The animals apologize for doubting him, and they all live happily ever after. Also, he falls in love with one of them... probably the tiger.

Now, did I just save you two hours of your life, or what?

Money Doesn't Go on Tees.

Quite frankly, one doppelganger is too many.

7/2/08: I just found out they were giving out Deoxys for Pokemon Diamond and Pearl last weekend. Did any of my reader(s) get one? See my comment.

"C" is for Cookie!!!!

I'm beginning to prefer tracing these in pen. It looks a bit more professional. Hey, I might not be the best artist, but I'm doing the best as I Iron Jay Iron Jay pump that iron every day Iron Jay can.
???

You're Obsessed with the Fat Lady!

Here's how I think they decided that Knuckles would be an Echidna:
-Okay, we've got this red spiky guy, but we have no idea what he is. What's another spiky mammal?
-Well, there's the echidna, but-
-Perfect! He'll be Knuckles the Echidna!
- -but sir, Echidnas have long snouts and no teeth, and lay eggs!
-Too late! I've already written in "Echidna" with a Sharpie. I'm NOT filling out this form again.
-Can't you just use some White-Out?
-We don't have any White-Out. The interns kept getting into it, and we had to take it away.

Hhhhhhhnnnnnggg...

Why don't I have a job yet?

I... Like... Oranges.

Apparently, Lily doesn't have a belly button... or so she claims...

I traced over this with a pen for a change. It looks a lot clearer, but it's harder to shade. I may do a second draft and add some more shadow. It might help if I had a fancy fountain pen or something. Also, here's a picture I made of an angry running guy in a suit.

Meatball Sub.

Kids know not to actually do these things, right? Well, if anyone does stick their finger in a socket or eat a cell phone, don't tell your parents you got the idea from me. Tell them somebody else told you to do it. Tell them it was... Let's say "Carlos Mencia."

The Bear Took My Other Arm!!!

They're supposed to be giving out the Pokemon Darkrai at Toys 'R Us on the 31st. I tried to go there when they were giving out Manaphy. The guy there said, "No. We won't give you that Pokemon. We don't like you. Your shoes have holes in them, and you smell like a pumpkin that got hit by a sledgehammer on Tuesday." I exaggerate. To be fair, they did give me a lovely bookmark featuring the Pokemon that I can never possess.

I Wish I Had a Milkshake.

That guy at the restaraunt didn't turn out so well... I don't know what I was thinking with those ears. I'm reasonably pleased with the Zeitgeist, though.

I'VE GOT BLISTERS ON MY FINGERS!!!!

Did anybody get the joke with the shield?

I managed to get the comic in on time this week, due to not having anything important to do this weekend. How does a guy find a job in this day and age?

Check out this pixel art I did of Sunglasses.

There Are Ants in My House!!!!

I don't have a lot of time because it's storming out. Here's the comic. It's not that great this week.

I Need More Vegetables.

Sorry if those lines aren't straight. My ruler is missing.
That thing with the Reese's wrapper actually happened to me once... not the reality warping part, mind you. Boy, our room was a mess back then.

4/16/08: I noticed that my message text shows up in search engines, but my labels don't. That's inconvenient... I'm going to have to start typing out keywords in my messages.

Keywords: Hammer Boy, Reese's Wrapper, Top Hat, Broken Window, Like-Like, Religious Conspiracy, Dan Brown.

YOU GOT BOOST POWERRRR!

Okay... In that last frame, the penguin probably actually did eat the man's arm.
You might laugh now, but someday those TI-86 graphing calculators will be OUR masters!

Keywords: Alternate Reality, Ants, I drink your milkshake, "Snakes on a Plane" parody, Sphinx, Zombies.

What is Science?

I've been thinking about how long it's been taking me to write these comics, and I think I've come up with a solution. Instead of drawing all these by hand, why don't I just throw these comics together using MS-Paint and a bunch of images I already have on my computer? I tried this, as seen above, and it only took me about half an hour. It would have taken ten minutes if I'd had a mouse that worked properly. Drawing the characters in the first place is still pretty time consuming, though. Maybe I should just take images from old NES games. This could be a revolutionary idea!

Keywords: Abyss Dwellers, April Fool's, Armchair, Muffin, Rabbit, Drunken Raccoon, Ghosts, RPG, Radar Screen, Sprite Comics.