My Forearms are Tired!

Don't you hate it when this happens to you?

The Wasps are Nesting in my Car.

NOBODY expects the Teddy Ruxpin reference!

I Think My Leg is Broken.

My HTML hurts.

Chia's make great pets, but poor masters.

Stuntman Panda! In theatres never!
There are about three jokes in this comic. Can YOU find them?
Sorry I don't have anything more elaborate. I was away for the weekend.

Synopsis of "Kung Fu Panda" from someone who hasn't seen the film.

The following is a plot synopsis of the movie "Kung Fu Panda" that I wrote without ever seeing the film. I'm basing this off of previews, commercials, toy commercials, and cereal and fast food tie ins. I'm guessing this is pretty close to the actual plot.

A hungry panda is wandering around when he comes across a bunch of Kung Fu animals fighting eachother on a suspension bridge for some reason. Through some strange mishap, he convinces them that he is The Chosen One, and they let him into their group. Hoping they'll feed him some Kellog's Frosted Flakes and Burger King Big Kids' Meals, the panda plays along.

First, the other Kung Fu creatures don't respect the panda, but he gains their respect after an arduous three minute training montage, in which the panda repeatedly falls over and rolls over a suspension bridge. Then, however, the others realize he's not The Chosen One when he feels guilty and tells them the truth, or some other guy shows up who looks more like the prophesized Chosen One, or he's unable to use the plastic sword that breaks off into a daggar and makes cool sound effect noises, or he eats everybody else's Kellogs Frosted Flakes. The other Kung Fu animals yell at him for a while, and he walks off dejectedly, while some kind of sad music plays in the background.

Later, some kind of lynx or ocelot (I can't tell from the commercial) escapes from prison or knocks down a building of some sort. If there was another guy they thought was the chosen one, he runs away in fear at this point. Somebody goes to get the panda back, but he's all bitter and resentful, and says "Why should I help you Kung Fu people after what you did to me?" The other guy says, "We'll buy you a Burger King Big Kids' Meal," and the panda says "Okay."

When they get there, the Kung Fu things are already fighting the lynx/ocelot. Despite their best efforts, they keep getting knocked off the bridge. Shrek - er, um- I mean- the panda comes, and somebody gives him the plastic sword that breaks off into a daggar and makes cool sound effect noises. He beats up the Lynx and knocks him off the bridge. The animals apologize for doubting him, and they all live happily ever after. Also, he falls in love with one of them... probably the tiger.

Now, did I just save you two hours of your life, or what?

Money Doesn't Go on Tees.

Quite frankly, one doppelganger is too many.

7/2/08: I just found out they were giving out Deoxys for Pokemon Diamond and Pearl last weekend. Did any of my reader(s) get one? See my comment.

"C" is for Cookie!!!!

I'm beginning to prefer tracing these in pen. It looks a bit more professional. Hey, I might not be the best artist, but I'm doing the best as I Iron Jay Iron Jay pump that iron every day Iron Jay can.
???

You're Obsessed with the Fat Lady!

Here's how I think they decided that Knuckles would be an Echidna:
-Okay, we've got this red spiky guy, but we have no idea what he is. What's another spiky mammal?
-Well, there's the echidna, but-
-Perfect! He'll be Knuckles the Echidna!
- -but sir, Echidnas have long snouts and no teeth, and lay eggs!
-Too late! I've already written in "Echidna" with a Sharpie. I'm NOT filling out this form again.
-Can't you just use some White-Out?
-We don't have any White-Out. The interns kept getting into it, and we had to take it away.

Hhhhhhhnnnnnggg...

Why don't I have a job yet?

I... Like... Oranges.

Apparently, Lily doesn't have a belly button... or so she claims...

I traced over this with a pen for a change. It looks a lot clearer, but it's harder to shade. I may do a second draft and add some more shadow. It might help if I had a fancy fountain pen or something. Also, here's a picture I made of an angry running guy in a suit.

Meatball Sub.

Kids know not to actually do these things, right? Well, if anyone does stick their finger in a socket or eat a cell phone, don't tell your parents you got the idea from me. Tell them somebody else told you to do it. Tell them it was... Let's say "Carlos Mencia."

The Bear Took My Other Arm!!!

They're supposed to be giving out the Pokemon Darkrai at Toys 'R Us on the 31st. I tried to go there when they were giving out Manaphy. The guy there said, "No. We won't give you that Pokemon. We don't like you. Your shoes have holes in them, and you smell like a pumpkin that got hit by a sledgehammer on Tuesday." I exaggerate. To be fair, they did give me a lovely bookmark featuring the Pokemon that I can never possess.

I Wish I Had a Milkshake.

That guy at the restaraunt didn't turn out so well... I don't know what I was thinking with those ears. I'm reasonably pleased with the Zeitgeist, though.

I'VE GOT BLISTERS ON MY FINGERS!!!!

Did anybody get the joke with the shield?

I managed to get the comic in on time this week, due to not having anything important to do this weekend. How does a guy find a job in this day and age?

Check out this pixel art I did of Sunglasses.

There Are Ants in My House!!!!

I don't have a lot of time because it's storming out. Here's the comic. It's not that great this week.

I Need More Vegetables.

Sorry if those lines aren't straight. My ruler is missing.
That thing with the Reese's wrapper actually happened to me once... not the reality warping part, mind you. Boy, our room was a mess back then.

4/16/08: I noticed that my message text shows up in search engines, but my labels don't. That's inconvenient... I'm going to have to start typing out keywords in my messages.

Keywords: Hammer Boy, Reese's Wrapper, Top Hat, Broken Window, Like-Like, Religious Conspiracy, Dan Brown.

YOU GOT BOOST POWERRRR!

Okay... In that last frame, the penguin probably actually did eat the man's arm.
You might laugh now, but someday those TI-86 graphing calculators will be OUR masters!

Keywords: Alternate Reality, Ants, I drink your milkshake, "Snakes on a Plane" parody, Sphinx, Zombies.

What is Science?

I've been thinking about how long it's been taking me to write these comics, and I think I've come up with a solution. Instead of drawing all these by hand, why don't I just throw these comics together using MS-Paint and a bunch of images I already have on my computer? I tried this, as seen above, and it only took me about half an hour. It would have taken ten minutes if I'd had a mouse that worked properly. Drawing the characters in the first place is still pretty time consuming, though. Maybe I should just take images from old NES games. This could be a revolutionary idea!

Keywords: Abyss Dwellers, April Fool's, Armchair, Muffin, Rabbit, Drunken Raccoon, Ghosts, RPG, Radar Screen, Sprite Comics.

Part IX: Finale!

Here it is... FINALLY.

These things take a long time to draw, you know. I've been working an hour every night for a week, but I think it was worth it. I'm not sure I should do another giant miniseries like this again, especially considering I only did this parody so I could fit in that "Snakes on a Pane" joke from Part II.

Anyway, sprouting wings after drinking an energy drink is actually extremely painful. They make it look fun on the commercials, but those things really just come tearing out of your back like an enraged badger. That's probably why they removed that function from the Red Bulls you actually see on store shelves. That, or they're outright lying in those commercials, which only serves to trick very small children into drinking their caffeine loaded beverage, which is just plain sad.

Keywords: Metal Gear Parody, Baten Kaitos, Dig your own grave, Ninjas, Red Bull, Tales of Symphonia, Knuckles, Cos-Player.

Part VIII.

Excuse me if I misspelled "giraffe." I'll fix that later.
Is anyone else very concerned about the possibility of being attacked by pumpkin ghosts?

Keywords: Cos-Player, Giraffe, Land Rover, Locking Clamps, Meowth, Metal Gear parody, Moon Exploding, Nuclear Robot, Pokemon.